My wife and chatbot
Scene: my cosy Mumbai flat. Laptop open, I am browsing brand logos as my wife saunters in carrying two cups of chai.
Wife: So, my dear brand guru, busy crafting the next viral campaign? Plotting a logo so gullible people will crave the product without knowing why?
Me: Not at all, darling. I was just tweaking my PowerPoint skills. You won’t believe the amount of animation required to pitch a ‘disruptive’ new juice flavour properly.
Wife: Hmm, ‘disruptive’… sounds awfully similar to those AI-powered slogan generators. Bet they could easily replace you with a chatbot spitting out nonsensical buzzwords. How about… Robo-Rahul, Master of Mindshare? Has a nice ring to it.
Me: Robo-Rahul? Come on! No algorithm can replicate my most valuable asset. Remember that disastrous focus group for Mr. Kapoor’s Ayurvedic fruit juice? Everyone hated it, then I stepped in, spun a story about ‘ancient warrior stamina’… they lapped it up! An AI might suggest better flavours, but can it turn lukewarm reviews into blind enthusiasm?
Wife: True, your superpower of exaggerated storytelling is hard to code. But think of those AI-analysed social media trends! Predicting which random meme will dominate next month, ensuring a brand’s ad goes viral…
Me: Oh, like that AI-designed mascot? The talking pickle for the snack brand? Turns out people found singing vegetables more creepy than relatable. Took a full rebranding exercise to undo that damage. Sometimes, knowing what won’t work is more valuable than what theoretically should.
Wife: All right, maybe gut instinct beats a misprogrammed vegetable… But your clients want innovation! What if an AI digs up obscure data, says “Nostalgia for 90s infomercials is the next big thing!” Suddenly, it’s ironic, edgy… a stroke of genius no human foresaw.
Me: And clients end up wearing neon tracksuits while yelling sales pitches? Doubt it. Remember that “smart” billboard? Analysing traffic flow to display targeted ads? Caused a 3-car pileup as drivers desperately tried to read personalized toothpaste offers at 80 kmph. AI lacks an understanding of what people will do, not just what they “should.”
Wife: So, it’s about knowing how to spin those human quirks? Like understanding why folks gladly pay extra for artisanal soap… even if it smells faintly of goat, as long as you use the words “handcrafted” and “sustainable”?
Me: Bingo! Understanding that irrational bit of consumer psychology… That’s where I thrive. AI suggests ingredients, I suggest a backstory to sell it.
Wife: So, let me get this straight: you’re not worried about robot rivals because you’re essentially good at… crafting mildly deceptive narratives that turn the mundane into the must-have?
Me: No deception, only… enhanced consumer perception! And besides, no chatbot can truly appreciate the delicate art of taking a 3-hour brainstorming lunch over vada pav and calling it “immersive market research.”
Wife: (Shaking her head, trying not to laugh) You… you win. It seems humanity may be doomed to overpriced soap, but your job security is surprisingly solid. Just try not to let your AI overlords know about this Vada pav research strategy.
Me: Fear not! If I must negotiate with Robo-Rahul in the future, I’ll have the upper hand – no bot can resist the allure of a well-spiced potato snack. That’s the universal truth.
Wife: Sigh… I give up! I’ll go make amends with our temperamental toaster. At least it only has an attitude at breakfast time…
Me: Good luck, my dear brave tech negotiator. Do not fear, your husband’s job is safe as long as AI will depend on dumb algorithms. What about another cup of hot chai till I plan my next blockbuster product launch? Maybe slip it a buttered toast as a peace offering? No algorithm can resist that!
Post Script: I never got the chai
About the author: Hemant is the Founder & CEO of branding and marketing firm ”Neeti Brand Accelerator” in Mumbai. He is a brand strategist and has worked with more than 150 brands during last two decades. He is also mentor and coach to SMEs and startups. You can visit the website www.www.neeti.biz. You can contact him at hemant@neeti.biz
